Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
