I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
