My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
