So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
