I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
