My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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