Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
