dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
