It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
