WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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