Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
