you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
