remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
soo... how was my night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
