I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
