So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was like eating out sand paper
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
