That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
