p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
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