I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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