Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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