Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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