i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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