but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
