oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
