I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
