i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
