Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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