I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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