I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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