How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
