The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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