he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
