just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
