Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
