u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
