i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
