I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
