I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
