drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
