Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
