You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
