Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
