that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
