They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
