i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize