somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
