I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
