i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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