i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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