I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
