Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we made out on top of his cat.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
