I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
