he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
