i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
