Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
