the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
