We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
