I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
