i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
