One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
