I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
