Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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