Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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