Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
