am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My feet surprised me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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