you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
