Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sext me about skeletons
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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