If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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