I could make wine with my vomit
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
what the fuck happened to the tacos
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
