okay pat passed out under dana's car
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
