How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
