Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
