My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
