The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
