sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
